Great Uncle Hesketh's Biography
Hesketh's fortune was amassed during the American prohibition years, when his father and uncles successfully brewed alcoholic drinks from dirty laundry - tragically, his father and uncles were all killed in a bizarre accident where each man fell, in turn, into an industrial clothes press. Any suggestion of foul play was quashed, when Hesketh sent some big chaps "around" to have "a quiet word".
Hesketh retired to his stately pile in the winter of '73
and devoted his every waking hour to Avarice and Stamp Collecting.
(Summary text courtesy of 'No Man Is An Island But Some are In Continent'
- A Damp Biography of Hesketh Overcoat by Jasper Mayonaise, Bunting Press,
1991)
Hesketh Overcoat (nee Overcoat) was born on the 12th of November, 1907 and again on the following Sunday, when his mother and father were able to attend (having been away 'punting' across Lake Titicaca). As a baby, he was possessed of a number of remarkable talents - but had to hand them back when the police found out. Subject to the usual rigid up-bringing, Hesketh spent his nursery years sewn into a linen sack suspended from the ceiling with nothing more that a square hole to eat through or see out of. He often referred to these days as the 'happiest' of his life, though he also referred to carpets as 'bananas', so one can only accept this statement at face value.
School days were no more pleasurable, with Hesketh sent as the only boarder to the non-boarding Chumbles Public School on the Isle of Wight. It was obvious from the first few weeks that Hesketh would excel at sports. He took easily to Lacrosse, was instantly at home with Elephant Hunting and seemed almost divinely-bestowed with the gift of Five-A-Side Librarianship.
After passing all the entrance examinations, Hesketh moved to Oxford, where he studied for a Bachelor of Arts in Humanities & Home Economics and eventually graduated, at the age of 48, with a PhD in Bad Speling.
